Some thoughts and discussions from me.
Your Results Came Back Abnormal
Heads up: it’s about to get REAL personal up in here.
It was January 31st, 2007, but I remember it like it was yesterday.
I was in my final semester of college and was driving home from my final class that day – a 300 level communications class, where I sat next to my best friend, Kori, and chatted with her just as much as I listened to the professor. During class, I noticed my phone light up with a weird number flashing on the screen, but I ignored it thinking they must be calling the wrong number. Then on the way home, I saw that they had left a voicemail:
“Hi Paige. This is Nurse _______ at _______ medical facility. The pap you had done last week came back abnormal, and we need you to call us back ASAP.”
Naturally, my heart started racing the moment she said “ASAP,” and I got home as fast as I could so that I could call them back. As soon as I pulled into my drive way, I called my doctor back to find out that I had abnormal, pre-cancerous cells on my cervix, caused by the human papilloma virus. Immediately, I started getting faint.
“Does that mean I have cancer?!” I practically screamed at the nurse delivering me this information.
“Not necessarily,” she answered, which did absolutely nothing to calm my anxiety, which was climbing as high as the Mt. Everest.
I can remember lying down on the couch for what seemed like hours, just breathing. Already, all of the worst possible scenarios were fleeting through my mind, and you can imagine how much help Web MD was when I finally peeled myself off the couch to check it out. (For the record, the answer is none. Web MD is NEVER any help, unless you find it helpful for an interwebz tool to convince you you’re going to die. Heck, you might already be dead according to it’s handy dandy diagnostic tool!)
Thinking back, Shane (who then was just my boyfriend) actually blocking WebMD from the computers I used, because he knew how much it freaked me out.
Aside from thinking I was going to die, I also remember feeling an overwhelming amount of shame. HPV is not only the leading cause of cervical cancer in women, but it’s also transmitted sexually. This was before HPV was more talked about and also before the vaccine. I only told my parents, Shane (obviously,) and a couple of my closest friends. I also prayed so much for comfort – and it helped incredibly.
Later, I came to learn that not only is it the most common std, but that nearly ALL sexually active men and women get it at some point in their lives because HPV can be passed without any signs or symptoms (source.) Many cases, including the one I had, have no symptoms at all, aside from being able to cause cervical cancer.
Anyway, I had to have a colposcopy done, which is basically a biopsy of the cervix in several areas that shows how severe the irregular, precancerous cells were. It came back CIN 2, which means moderate dysplasia. It also meant that something had to be done, and that something was the LEEP procedure, where the remove the regular cells by removing the outer layer of the cervix.
Neither the colposcopy nor the LEEP procedure were fun. They weren’t the absolute worst things in the world, but they hurt, and the LEEP required some pain meds and a little down time. You can read more about LEEP here. What made it easier were my family, friends, and especially prayer. (I can remember just repeating “Jesus” when getting the colposcopy done.)
After the LEEP procedure, I had to get pap smears done every 3 months until I got 3 consecutive “normal” results back. It took 9 months. After that it dropped to every 6 months, and then finally, the usual 12 month annual exam. There has only been one time where I’ve had an abnormal test since, but I’ve never had a positive HPV test since then. My OB/GYN mentioned that my body probably flushed it from my system.
Well, last week I had an annual exam, and just like them all, two weeks before and week after – until I received my results – I was a big stress ball. Regardless of what’s going on in life, I know that ultimately, I have no say in it. God has a plan, and I just have to trust it, and that helps me not stress out too much. I can still be a positive person amidst stressful times. What will be will be and all that.
But on Saturday, when I went to get the mail, and pulled out a letter from my doctor, I got that same increased heart beat, shortness of breath feeling, until I tore it open to reveal that the results, were, in fact, normal. And I think I did a happy dance then and there at the mail box.
So why am I telling you all of this?
Honestly, I just felt compelled to share my story after my most recent exam.
I remember being SO angry when I first learned I would need to have the LEEP procedure done back in 2007. I’m sure I said “why me?!” more than once. But that’s just a fruitless question regardless of the situation. Perhaps it taught me to be a more calm, less stressed person. I actively pursue a low-stress life and personality because I know stress has so much to do with our immune system. Exercise and healthy eating is a huge part of a healthy life style, but it isn’t everything.
Conversely, I also thought “lucky me,” for having the means, knowledge, and health insurance to get regular check ups. With there being more than 12,000 cases of cervical cancer and more than 4,000 deaths from it per year, early detection is crucial.
Or maybe it’s so I can share my story, and possibly help other women in a society where speaking about gynecological issues just isn’t PQ. I have a feeling some women who receive the news of precancerous cervical cells still feel the way I felt 7 years ago – scared and embarrassed. And if one happens to be you or someone you know, I just want to tell you you’re not alone and you shouldn’t be ashamed.
Hopefully that wasn’t tmi for you. I warned ya! Back to regular posting tomorrow 
Have you ever had an abnormal pap smear – or any abnormal test results come back?
How did you deal emotionally with it? What was your experience?
That must’ve been scary and I can’t imagine the shock you must’ve went through hearing that news. Thank goodness it turned out to be okay and thank you for sharing this story. You know, even if it was cancer, at least they caught it very early and could do something about it, that’s the bright side but thank god it didn’t even go there. 🙂
Linda @ Fit Fed and Happy recently posted…September Wrap Down & August Wrap Up
I have never had one come back abnormal but I am always petrified it will. I hate getting them but not being screened would be stupid so I force myself to go. Great post! We all need to get real about our health!
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I love your heart and that you will share! Thank you for being so open and honest to a sometimes taboo subject!
Brittany @ Delights and Delectables recently posted…Falling for Fall
I hear ya, sister. I too had the LEEP only my results have come back abnormal every.single.year since the procedure too. I’ve gone through more colposcopies and biopsies than I care to remember, and there was a slight scare since I have some scar tissue from the surgery that could possibly cause issues in the future. The obgyn is never a fun place to visit, but it is literally my most dreaded appointment every time I have to go. The what ifs are of the chart :/
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Oh Heather 🙁 Those appointments – and the waiting for the results to follow are the worst. Sorry to hear you’ve gone through it multiple times. I hope your next one takes a change of direction! xoxo
Oh my gosh, what an amazing post! Thanks for sharing. One of my best friends has HPV and I remember how stressed I was for her! I was just saying yesterday how awful it would have been living in times when NONE of these disease or disorders were even diagnosed, treated or patients were informed about. We are so very lucky research has stepped up to help us become more aware of HPV and cervical cancer! I know in Canada we are working to have the HPV vaccine covered for all ages but it is now mandatory (similar to the Hep B vaccine) for school aged kids which has shown a great reduction in the spread of HPV!
I’m so happy for you that your test can back normal! What a weight off your shoulders!
you’re so right – we are so lucky to have the means to diagnose and treat such conditions! Wow, I didn’t know the hpv vaccine was mandatory in Canada! With how common it is, I think that’s a good idea.
Thank you for sharing!! That is definitely scary! One of my friends, as well as my mom, had HPV before. I never knew it, but it is fairly common! Luckily they don’t have it anymore, and I’m glad you don’t either!
Glad to hear your friends don’t have it anymore either, Brittany!
Thanks for sharing your story and I’m glad everything turned out OK. I know the feeling of having a test come back abnormal and I also really found it therapeutic to write about!
Rosey Rebecca recently posted…In Which I Attempt To Meditate
xo – hope everything is ok for you, Rebecca!
You’ve actually inspired me to make sure everything is still ok. I see a continuation to the ‘As You Read This’ Series in my blog’s future. 🙂
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oh i feel ya girl. i’ve been there too. i had a colposcopy but not the LEEP procedure. my aunt went through it too. it’s definitely scary and it really makes you think…and assess life! crazy. and yes, it is so common. glad everything was okay for both of us! hugs! 🙂
It’s crazy how common it is! Glad everything is ok for you, too girl! xo
Always helpful and kind to share this type of information! I went through the same thing when I was 22, and I remember feeling exactly the same way. Little did I know, that almost everyone I knew had gone through a similar experience at some point in their life. Thankfully, everything turned out fine for me, as it did for you. Glad you are happy and healthy now 🙂
Thanks, Jenny. Glad everything turned out ok for you!
You’re amazing for sharing your story with us, Paige! I’m sure so many women will benefit from this. I’m so happy to hear things came back “normal” – always a relief! xo
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Thanks, Ashley! xoxo
Thank you for sharing this!! I remember getting a call from my nurse right before we got married and she also said, “abnormal”..bum bum bummmm…I was SO freaked out. Thankfully, there were no pre-cancerous cells and she said I was probably just fighting something off at the time, but still. Everytime I go in for a check up I get a little nervous that it will happen again. Praise God that you were okay, and that the situation was not worse.
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Ugh – that call. It’s the worst. Thanks, Sarah xo
Thanks for sharing Paige!, I don’t know anyone who has it close to me…but that must be impossible considering it’s prevalence. so that just goes to show you how people are still afraid to talk about it. So happy for you that the test came back normal!
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Thanks, Sam! 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story!
I actually have to live knowing that maybe one day the cancer cells I was treated for may come back. Even though it was not cervical cancer, at every check up I get that feeling, that stress…I guess we must be strong and keep going!
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Thank you for sharing your story!
I actually have to live knowing that maybe one day the cancer cells I was treated for may come back. Even though it was not cervical cancer, at every check up I get that feeling, that stress…I guess we must be strong and keep going!x
Elsie @ Sharing Healthiness recently posted…Give QUINOA a vacation with these 3 NEW SUPER-GRAINS!
It’s really tough, but yep you’re right, keep going and being positive <3
Thank you so much for sharing this. I went through a very similar experience and have had so much guilt about it. It’s nice to know that others have been through the same thing.
So glad it’s helpful to you! <3
i had no idea! and i’m so glad you shared because i know one of us is, or will, be going through something similar. and we need comfort, we need grace, we need prayers. You’re amazing friend!
xoxox <3
Thank you for sharing this and helping to raise awareness! SO many cases of cervical cancer could be avoided if women did regular PAP smears. I’m sorry you went through it but thankful you are using your platform to spread the word.
Madeline @ Food Fitness and Family recently posted…Where to Eat In Charleston
You’re right – it’s so sad. Thanks, Madeline!
Oh Paige, I went through the same thing! I had a STD screen and pap smear and got a voice message saying I had an abnormal result and that I needed to call back immediately. Unfortunately, I was in class at the time and didn’t get the message until after 5pm on a Friday – so I had to spend the entire weekend thinking I had cancer or HIV! I ended up having to have a colposcopy too, and finally am on normal results. It’s amazing because here in the UK you aren’t allowed to have a smear test until you’re 25, but I went through all this when I was just 19 in Australia.
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Oh that weekend must have been the worst for you 🙁 Glad to hear you’re having normal results now!
I can’t believe the UK doesn’t test until 25!!
Hi Paige!
I think I have been reading (and loving) your blog for about a year now, but this may be my first comment. First of all, thank you for your honesty, openness, and authenticity – I love your posts, and am always looking forward to reading them. You are amazing, and such a strong woman!
I can completely relate to what you went through, as my story resembles yours almost exactly. Abnormal test result bout 8 years ago, CIN 2, Colposcopy & Leep, lots of anxiety & worry & tears & freaking out + so much shame – oh that shame (I only told my husband, that’s it). Only normal Pap results since, thankfully…. Thank you for sharing your (and such a personal) story. I am sure it is going to help a lot of women overcome their own worry/shame involved – especially since it is such a common thing, and yet we are inclined to “hide it”.
Thank you again, Paige!
Thank YOU for sharing your story with me, Katja!
Fabulous share!!! I am actually waiting to see another dr about some abnormal results of my own (not gyno) and well I think the waiting is probably the worst because yes according to WebMD I should be dead already :0)
Sorry to hear that Amanda – praying for you!
Thank you for sharing your story! Early detection is SO crucial!
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I think it’s AWESOME that you shared your story. To often women feel shameful and avoid talking about “womanly” problems. However, it’s so important to let other women know that they are not alone and to find comfort from others experiencing the same things. I went through some pretty horrible things this past year that I never thought I could share publicly but by doing so I not only found other women who could relate but had people reach out to me that were having similar experiences. So again, awesome that you shared this!
Thank you for sharing this! Every time I have a pap smear or a pap test I always wait anxiously for the results. I love that you are talking about this! I have had a lot of medical procedures done and it never gets easier.
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I feel ya girl. I too had to colpo and LEEP procedures done. The LEEP was nowhere near as bad as the colpo for me. I was put to sleep and when I woke up, it was all over! The colpo however was the most painful thing. She had to do it multiple times before she got whatever it is she was trying to do. Our story is very similar. My results of my colpo were also CIN 2 which my gyno explained to me was one step away from cancerous or something to that effect. All I heard was cancer! That was in 2011 and since the LEEP procedure all of mine have come back normal! Cheers to normal! Glad you’re doing ok!