7 Things You Should Never Say Out Loud in the Gym

Ever.

I jokingly call my gym my home away from home. I’m there a lot, so I see a lot, and I hear a lot. Mostly it’s friendly gym conversation, but other times it’s like some comments forget to go through the ol’ brain-filter before getting spewed out. Sometimes they’re even directed at me (I can take it, I can take it.)

From my time working in the gym, I’ve learned a few things one should never utter inside the premises.

7 Things You Should Never Say in the Gym

1. “I noticed when you were on the hip adductor/abductor machine that…”

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STOP right there. I don’t care if you were going to say your tag is sticking out of their shirt. You never talk about watching someone on this aesthetically awkward machine, mmk?

2. “Working out sucks! I’m only here because I pigged out on ice cream last night.”

By saying this you’re dragging anyone else in earshot down with you. Remember not to bum anyone’s flow, right? Winking smile

3. “I’m going to go do some bicep curls in the squat rack.”

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Squat racks are for…..right! Squats! And bench press. NOT for curls.

4. To a trainer: “all the trainers I know are training for competitions.” (Or any other generalization about trainers, for that matter)

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Well, I’M NOT.

5. “Feel my pecs.”

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‘Nuff said.

6. “ARGGHHHHH!@#!@!!!!!” *bench press*

No need to yell/scream/bark during every.single.rep. Yelling doesn’t make it any easier, I promise!

7. “On Mondays I do biceps and back, Tuesdays, chest and triceps, Wednesdays quads and calves, and when I do it, I do it this way….”

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Sorry, man, not here at the gym to hear about your workouts Winking smile

Luckily, I haven’t heard much worse than the comments from what I can remember, but I’m sure there are far worse things that can be said at a gym.

YOUR TURN: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve heard/experienced at the gym?

Not weird, but I also don’t like when someone thinks it’s a good time to hold a 45 minute conversation. I’ve definitely had to cut my workout short because of chatty Cathy’s before.

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Comments

  1. This is why I like going super early. I don’t have to deal with the majority of that because those punks don’t show up until later. :p

    Yeah… the abductor machine… lovingly called the sex machine in my group of friends…
    Amy B @ Second City Randomness recently posted..Responsible ThingsMy Profile

  2. I love this! I am totally one of those people that just wants to be left alone at the gym! I am there to workout!!!
    Danielle (@CleanFoodCreativeFitness) recently posted..Marvelous in my Monday!My Profile

  3. I would just like some people to bring certain conversations DOWN (whether on the phone or talking with their neighbor). Maybe that’s rude but if I’m on the elliptical or stationary bike, chances are I’m trying to study! (Let me be selfish on this one for a minute…) ;)
    Katie @ Talk Less, Say More recently posted..Jog.fmMy Profile

  4. Seriously hilarious!! And omg I get awkward comments at the gym all.the.time. Old men love conversing with me. Seriously, itz like I meet a new friend every week. Most awkward comment, “I think you live in my neighborhood.” Uhhh what, who are you and why are you stalking me?
    Linz @ Itz Linz recently posted..Itz Marvelous: Chi-Town EditionMy Profile

  5. So I should STOP asking others to feel my pecs?? Got it! ;-)
    Mo recently posted..A Trip Down Memory LaneMy Profile

  6. Oh, the adductor/abductor machine…that thing is so awkward! I hate when people (men) grunt like they’re having sex and then slam the weight on the floor! When I have to listen to that for an hour and a half, I pretty much want to choke that dude out!
    Sarena (The Non Dairy Queen) recently posted..Friday Fodder – Enough of the Body Image WarsMy Profile

  7. The most annoying thing I hear at my gym only happens occasionally. It’s when the person next to me has their music blaring from their earbuds loud enough for anyone within 15 feet to sing along. I usually just move, but I’d love to say, “Do you have any classic rock on that thing, so I can enjoy it too?”
    I also agree with Sarena; about the “grunters.” Don’t those people realize that they can damage the weights or machines when they drop them and cause our membership costs to go up? If ya hafta grunt and drop, drop off a few lbs. until you’re strong enough!

  8. I really hate all the grunting. I sometimes think the guys do that just so it appears they’re lifting extremely heavy and working really hard. I just hate it when people sit around on a bench texting. Leave the phone in the locker.

  9. This is so funny… but sadly it is great advice! :)
    Elle recently posted..Saturday StuffMy Profile

  10. This is hysterical. The e-card is my favorite. Other bad things to say.. “if you did more of these (insert X) you could really target that problem area you’ve got going on – Insert body part” It’s just rude, and someones def said that to me before! hahaha
    Leigh Ann recently posted..Fashion Post Numero UnoMy Profile

  11. The first just killed me a little. Most awkward machines EVER!
    Sam @ Better With Sprinkles recently posted..Canadian Turkey.My Profile

  12. Hahahaha, love it!

    The adduction/abduction machine, aka, “inner and outer thigh machine,” is the biggest fraud ever perpetrated upon the female population anyway, so any words spoken on or near that machine are hereby rendered moot and void! But I must admit that any conversation taking place with someone slowly opening and closing their legs is awkward.

    I’m from L.A., so:
    Trainer: “I was training {insert celebrity name here} the other day, and….”
    Dude, I don’t care that you’re training the girl from One Tree Hill, save it for the people in your acting class.

    “No, girl, you should never lift more than 2 pound weights or you’ll get bulky!” Really? Have you checked the physiology on that one, Superstar? You have PURSES that weigh more than that and I don’t see you having to cut the sleeves off your shirts. If you don’t live on the moon or some other zero-gravity environment, it’s probably best to train with weights that actually challenge you.

    One meathead to another meathead on the bench press: “BIG CHEST, BIG CHEST!”

    One unsweaty person to another unsweaty person: “OhmyGod! That was the hardest workout!” Um, if your makeup is still intact, that wasn’t a workout, that was something that ranks just above a nap.

    I could go on for days, thanks for the laughs!
    Jonathan Aluzas recently posted..Mission Control, Are We Clear For Launch?My Profile

  13. My BF was telling me this morning that the locker room talk from the old men is just about the most vulgar thing he’s ever heard. I had no idea that went on!
    Alysha @Shesontherun recently posted..William Bounds Sili Tea Ball Giveaway!My Profile

  14. Oh no, I say “feel my pecs” all the time! Going to have to cut that out ;)
    Brittany (Healthy Slice of Life) recently posted..Exploring WashingtonMy Profile

  15. This post honestly made me “snort laugh”…all of these 7 things are SO TRUE! There’s a culprit at my gym we call “the Grunter”, even if it’s a 5lb. weight, he makes all kinds of racket & funny faces while lifting it. He’s a real gem!
    Katie @ KatieEnPursuit recently posted..15 Bars & Yoga on the BayMy Profile

  16. It’s been so long since I’ve even set foot in a gym, but I can still remember that jerks that would stand in front of the cardio machines and just chat. Umm . . . you’re in my way, and I’m actually here to workout. Go talk outside please.
    I used to make people feel my pecs – and by that I mean I made them feel my boob sweat. I’m obviously very high class.
    Leah @ Why Deprive? recently posted..Things I Probably Shouldn’t Have DoneMy Profile

  17. This one lady that goes to the same BodyPump class as me is ALWAYS complaining… she literally complains through the entire class. Why on earth is she there?!?! I didn’t see anyone with a gun to her head! Seriously, annoying.
    Erica @ For the Sake of Cake recently posted..Weekend Recap – 10/7My Profile

  18. ugh there are two ladies at spin who talk the whole way through class – i’m like FOR REAL ladies like you can’t do that after class – and the teacher never even says anything. so annoying.

  19. Haha love this. I once had a creepy man try and hit on me while I was doing floor ab exercises. So so awkward and wrong
    karinacocina17 recently posted..Brief Break from BiochemistryMy Profile

  20. New to your site and absolutely loving it already…..ESPECIALLY this! I’m still a senior in college, so you can only imagine the things I hear at my school’s gym!

  21. thanks for the laugh :)
    janetha recently posted..knoshin’ (giveaway.)My Profile

  22. lol this is hilarious. So many opportunities for awkwardness at the gym. But seriously, the grunting and slamming weights needs to stop. And saying, “feel my pecs.”
    Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..Happy Happy Joy Joy! It’s My SITS Day!!My Profile

  23. Hahaha this made me laugh! I have had soooo many people make the trainer “competing for figure” comment- you can be fit and be a trainer without being a figure competitor! And I’ve had men tell me to feel their Glutes – umm No!
    Jess recently posted..Tone it up Tuesday!!!My Profile

  24. YES!!
    I hear variations on number two all.the.time.
    MizFit recently posted..Im the SIXTEEN percent.My Profile

  25. Ha! This is spot on. Love the nod to trainers – we’re all different! I’m not training for one either! (and sometimes I wonder if people on the street would see me and think, “Oh yeah, she works out” or, “She must be a trainer.”) Not that ripped, not eating that kind of diet, not competing! (at least not now; maybe in the future? not sure if it’d be good for my psyche) ;)
    Bonnie recently posted..Giving ThanksMy Profile

  26. When I first tried out the adduction/abduction machine I too thought of sex but now I think horses. My inner thighs are much stronger and I think it may be from all the bareback HORSE riding I did.

    Love all the comments….once thought I was hearing sex on the other side of the machines, even the “come on baby” comments!
    Gina, book dragon recently posted..Thoughts on … Alex Van Helsing Voice of the UndeadMy Profile

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